305 Best Bad Dad Jokes – A list so bad they’re good!
Story by:
Kyle Boureston
When you really think about it, there’s not much difference between bad dad jokes and corny jokes.
Really, if the jokes are bad enough, you know a dad would be happy to share them.
But just because dad jokes are “bad,” doesn’t mean they aren’t also really, really good. Bad dad jokes make people groan and role their eyes, sure, but they also make people burst out laughing.
Whether you’re a new dad getting into his comedic groove, an old hand at the dad stuff looking to sharpen up his cheesy punchlines, or just a guy looking to indulge in comedy’s worst—and best—kind of humor, we’ve got all the best bad dad jokes for you, right here.
Contents
15 Best bad dad Jokes
When you are on the lookout for the biggest, baddest, worst dad jokes on the planet, you have to start with the best. These are pure, unadulterated bad dad jokes, designed in a lab a mile under the earth and rigorously tested to radiate everyone with wonderful, awful humor.
1. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
It’s impossible to put down!
[/learn_more]
2. What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Nobody knows.
[/learn_more]
3. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
I’ll let you know
[/learn_more]
4. What is the least spoken language in the world?
They’re laughing, really, just…silently.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Sign Language
[/learn_more]
5. A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas.
A truly arrrrgh-ful joke.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
[/learn_more]
6. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
He acquired his size from too much pi.
[/learn_more]
7. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Great food, no atmosphere.
[/learn_more]
8. How many apples grow on a tree?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
All of them.
[/learn_more]
9. How does a penguin build its house?
A joke sure to get a chilly reception.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Igloos it together
[/learn_more]
10. Dad, did you get a haircut? No,
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
I got them all cut.
[/learn_more]
11. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
A joke that really Fall’s flat in the autumn.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Because he was outstanding in his field.
[/learn_more]
12. Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
At least they have a nose…
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Because they have no body to go with.
[/learn_more]
13. Want to hear a joke about construction?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
I’m still working on it.
[/learn_more]
14. What did the grape do when he got stepped on?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
He let out a little wine.
[/learn_more]
15. I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
It’s a total rip-off.
[/learn_more]
17 bad corny dad jokes
People love corny jokes. If they didn’t love them, would they really spend so much time around you? So, get to work plowing through these bad but corny dad jokes and see what reactions pop up!
16. What do you call a mac ‘n’ cheese that gets all up in your face?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Too close for comfort food!
[/learn_more]
17. What concert costs just 45 cents?
No wonder. Who’s buying the tickets at that exorbitant price?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
[/learn_more]
18. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Because he was outstanding in his field!
[/learn_more]
19. What do sprinters eat before a race?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Nothing, they fast!
[/learn_more]
20. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
Another joke sure to fall flat…in just the right way.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
It was two tired!
[/learn_more]
21. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
This one is sure to suck the oxygen out of the room.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Great food, no atmosphere!
[/learn_more]
22. What do you call a fish with two knees?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A two-knee fish!
[/learn_more]
23. Why do melons have weddings?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Because they cantaloupe!
[/learn_more]
24. What happens when you go to the bathroom in France?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
European.
[/learn_more]
25. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
This joke really takes you for a ride.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Attire!
[/learn_more]
26. Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Never mind… it’s tearable.
[/learn_more]
27. I just watched a documentary about beavers.
A naturally, un-beaver-ably funny joke.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
It was the best dam show I ever saw!
[/learn_more]
29. A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
The bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve food here.”
[/learn_more]
30. What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
Security question: “what is like a box of chocolates?”
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
1forrest1
[/learn_more]
31. CASHIER: “Would you like the milk in a bag, sir?”
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
DAD: “No, just leave it in the carton!’”
[/learn_more]
32. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?
Aw, that’s sweet.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
They say he made a mint.
[/learn_more]
33. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
[/learn_more]
10 bad knock knock dad jokes
Knock knock. “Who’s there?” “Groan.” “Groan who?” “You’re groan to love these terribly bad dad knock knock jokes.”
34. Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Estelle.
Estelle who?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Estelle waiting for you to open this door!
[/learn_more]
35. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Control Freak.
Con—
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Okay, now you say, “Control Freak who?!”
[/learn_more]
36. Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Doughnut
Doughnut who?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Doughnut be afraid. It’s just me.
[/learn_more]
37. Knock knock. Who’s there? Egg. Egg who?
You can’t beat this joke.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Eggstremely disappointed you still don’t recognize me.
[/learn_more]
38. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Dee Wilson.
Dee Wilson who?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
They’ll hate you even more for getting that song stuck in their heads.
[/learn_more]
39. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Surgeon.
Surgeon who?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
That’ll really cut them up.
[/learn_more]
40. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
The Grammar Police.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
*ahem* Technically, “who” is more correct here…
[/learn_more]
41. Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Bee Hive.
Bee Hive who?
They’ll be buzzing about this one for weeks.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Bee Hive yourself!
[/learn_more]
42. Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Cattle Drive.
Cattle Drive Who?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
My Cattle Drive your dog crazy!
[/learn_more]
43. Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
The Ghost.
The Ghost who?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
The Ghost is clear; you can come out!
[/learn_more]
44. Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Barbara.
Barbara who?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
They’ll wooly love this one.
[/learn_more]
15 bad Christmas dad jokes
Christmas has plenty of down time after the presents are open and before anyone’s ready for dinner. How do you fill that time? This year, fill it with terribly bad dad Christmas jokes that will make everyone wish they’d stayed in their room for the holidays!
45. What does the Grinch do with a baseball bat?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Hits a gnome and runs.
[/learn_more]
46. Why did Frosty ask for a divorce?
That’s cold, Frosty.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
His wife was a total flake.
[/learn_more]
47. What do you get when you cross a duck with Santa?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A Christmas quacker.
[/learn_more]
48. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
They’re into all the wrapping.
[/learn_more]
49. How do you help someone who’s lost their Christmas spirit?.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Nurse them back to elf
[/learn_more]
50. What do you call an elf wearing ear muffs?
Bet your audience wishes they got ear muffs for Christmas.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Anything you want. He can’t hear you!
[/learn_more]
51. What nationality is Santa Claus?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
North Polish.
[/learn_more]
52. What do they sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
This one will really melt their hearts.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Freeze a jolly good fellow!
[/learn_more]
53. What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
The elf-abet!
[/learn_more]
54. What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
Let’s just hope he doesn’t crash Kringle.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A Holly Davidson!
[/learn_more]
55. What goes “Oh, Oh, Oh”?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Santa walking backwards!
[/learn_more]
56. How does a sheep say Merry Christmas?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Fleece Navidad!
[/learn_more]
58. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A joke for those cereal bad dad joke offenders.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Frosted Flakes!
[/learn_more]
59. Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
It needed to be trimmed!
[/learn_more]
60. What kind of photos do elves take?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Elfies!
[/learn_more]
14 stupid bad dad jokes
If you are committed to telling terrible dad jokes, you have to be willing to look stupid. All the humor comes from that. So, embrace the stupidity and share it with everyone with these stupid jokes!
61. What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
This joke’s got them all beat.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Anna one, Anna two!
[/learn_more]
62. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
He felt his presents!
[/learn_more]
63. Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn’t change color?
There’s a pill for that now.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
He had a reptile dysfunction.
[/learn_more]
64. Want to hear a joke about construction?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
I’m still working on it.
[/learn_more]
65. What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
1forrest1
[/learn_more]
66. What sound does a witches car make?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Broom Broom
[/learn_more]
67. To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.
Surely you Excel in your detective skills.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
You have my Word!
[/learn_more]
68. What does a zombie vegetarian eat?
Only if they’re organic.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
“GRRRAAAIINS!”
[/learn_more]
69. How do celebrities stay cool?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
They have many fans.
[/learn_more]
70. What do you call it when Batman skips church?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Christian Bale.
[/learn_more]
71. Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?
This one really stitches them up.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
He’s fully recovered.
[/learn_more]
72. Why did the coach go to the bank?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
To get his quarter back.
[/learn_more]
73. What kind of egg did the evil chicken lay?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A deviled egg.
[/learn_more]
74. Which is faster, hot or cold?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
That jokes nothing to sneeze at.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
[/learn_more]
17 bad dad birthday jokes
Dads love birthdays, not for the celebrations but because birthdays come with bad dad birthday jokes. Don’t let your family down! Make sure you’ve got the worst dad jokes on hand to ruin everyone’s birthday this year!
75. I always feel warm on my birthday because…
…They may stop now.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
people don’t stop toasting me.
[/learn_more]
76. Where do you get a birthday present for your cat?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
From a cat-alogue.
[/learn_more]
77. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Aye, matey!
[/learn_more]
78. How do pickles celebrate their birthdays?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
They relish the moment.
[/learn_more]
79. What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
You know where they serve deviled eggs.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Angel food cake.
[/learn_more]
80. I like birthdays…
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
but I think too many can kill you.
[/learn_more]
81. What did the bald guy say when he was given a comb for his birthday?
You can’t just brush this one off.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Thanks, I’ll never part with it.
[/learn_more]
82. What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Mice cream and cake.
[/learn_more]
83. Doctor, doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.
That’s a real hot take.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Try taking the candles off.
[/learn_more]
84. Why do candles always go on the top of cakes?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Because it’s hard to light them from the bottom.
[/learn_more]
85. Why did the girl put her cake in the freezer?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
She wanted to ice it.
[/learn_more]
86. Why did the cupcake go to the doctor’s office?
It must have been falling apart.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
It was feeling crumby.
[/learn_more]
87. Does a green candle burn longer than a pink one?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
No, they both burn shorter.
[/learn_more]
8 bad dad old people jokes
There’s no better source of humor than getting old, and now that you’re telling bad dad jokes, you can get away with these old people jokes that you couldn’t before. Because, you know, you’re old now. Sorry.
88. An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have.
Well, that’ll make for a nice change.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
The older she gets the more interested he is in her.
[/learn_more]
89. I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work…
Spoken like a true old coot.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
I want to achieve it through not dying.
[/learn_more]
90. I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper.
Wise…and unsettling all at once!
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
[/learn_more]
91. He’s so old that when he orders a three-minute egg,
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
they ask for the money up front.
[/learn_more]
92. Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age…
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
[/learn_more]
as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
93. Where should old people look for glasses?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
On their forehead.
[/learn_more]
94. I’m youthful on a basic level.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Somewhat more seasoned in different spots.
[/learn_more]
95. When I was a boy,
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
the Dead Sea was only sick.
[/learn_more]
14 bad dad dog jokes
Because dogs are man’s best friend, they are also the butt of many of our jokes. I’m sure your dogs won’t mind these bad dad dog jokes, but just in case…make sure you tell them out of their hearing.
96. What did the hungry Dalmation say when he had some kibble?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
That hit the spot!
[/learn_more]
97. What did the dog say to the tree?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Bark.
[/learn_more]
98. What do you call a dog with a surround system?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A sub-woofer.
That’s a real howler.
[/learn_more]
99. What did the dog say to the sandpaper?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A sub-woofer. Ruff!
[/learn_more]
100. Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
It’s hardly ever for them.
[/learn_more]
101. What’s more amazing than a talking dog?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A spelling bee.
[/learn_more]
102. How do you stop a dog from barking in your front yard?
All dog owners know the truth behind this one!
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Put him in your backyard!
[/learn_more]
103. What kind of dog keeps the best time?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A watchdog.
[/learn_more]
104. What kind of dog chases anything red?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A bull dog.
[/learn_more]
105. What do you get when you try to cross a pit bull with a computer?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A lot of bites.
[/learn_more]
106. What kind of dog eats with his ears?
A true master of observation came up with this one.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
They all do. I haven’t seen a single dog remove their ears before tucking in.
[/learn_more]
107. What do you call a sleeping Rottweiler?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Anything you like, just very quietly.
[/learn_more]
108. What do you get when you cross a Doberman and a hyena?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
No idea, but if it laughs, I join in.
[/learn_more]
109. What do you mean, my dog was chasing a guy on a bike?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
My dog doesn’t ride a bike!
[/learn_more]
9 bad walks into a bar dad jokes
We’ve all heard some x walks into a bar jokes in our time, and we all know, categorically, that those jokes are terrible. And that makes them perfect fodder for bad dad jokes.
110. So a five-dollar bill walks into a bar, and the bartender says,
Well, that jokes makes for a nice change.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
“Hey. This is a singles bar.”
[/learn_more]
111. A bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A time traveler walks in a bar…
[/learn_more]
112. E-flat walks into a bar. The bartender says,
This joke can seem a little discordant.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
“Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”
[/learn_more]
113. Two dragons walk into a bar. One says to the other, “It’s hot in here.” The other snaps back,
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
“Shut your mouth!”
[/learn_more]
114. A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk not a bar.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
No joke.
[/learn_more]
115. A cornstalk walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Want to hear a joke?” The corn stalk replies,
Now, that’s a corny joke!
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
“I’m all ears!”
[/learn_more]
116. A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
He asks for one beer, and one for the road.
[/learn_more]
117. Comic Sans, Helvetica, and Times New Roman walk into a bar. “Get out!” shouts the barman.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
“We don’t serve your type here!”
[/learn_more]
118. What did the Bartender say when two jumper cables walk into a bar.
You might spark some conversation with this one.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
You guys better not start anything in here.
[/learn_more]
8 bad military dad jokes
Since the beginning of time, military jokes have been popular. After all, so long as the world has need militaries, the world has been finding humor in them. Whether you’re a Major Dad or just love a good army joke, march a few of these bad dad military jokes out with some friends.
119. What do you call a Marine with an IQ of 160?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A Platoon
[/learn_more]
120. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray?
Awful…and yet, a pretty tasty punchline.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A Seasoned Veteran.
[/learn_more]
121. How does the Air Force Play Bingo?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
B-52 F-16 A-10.
[/learn_more]
122. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base?
Tell this when your military buddies are getting salty.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two kernels
[/learn_more]
123. What do you call a young army?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Infantry.
[/learn_more]
124. I used to be an artist in the army
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
but I kept drawing enemy fire.
[/learn_more]
125. When I was in the army, I got my arms shot off.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
But I shouldered on anyway.
[/learn_more]
126. Did you hear about the idiotic karate champion who joined the army?
He gave himself a “hi-ya” five.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
The first time he saluted, he knocked himself out.
[/learn_more]
13 bad Easter dad jokes
For some, Easter is a holy day. For others, it’s an excuse to hunt eggs and eat chocolate. For you, it’s a chance to try out your new comedy routine. Make sure you are never short of material by hunting down the best Easter jokes we’ve got here.
127. How do you know the Easter Bunny is really smart?
He’s also a bit cracked, like this joke.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Because he’s an egghead.
[/learn_more]
128. Where does the Easter Bunny get his eggs?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
From Eggplants.
[/learn_more]
129. What happened to the Easter Bunny when he misbehaved at school?
Now he’ll never get into collegg!
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
He was eggspelled!
[/learn_more]
130. Why do we paint Easter eggs?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Because it’s easier than trying to wallpaper them!
[/learn_more]
131. Why did the Easter egg hide?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
He was a little chicken!
[/learn_more]
132. What do you get if you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A hot cross bunny
[/learn_more]
133. What do you call Easter when you are hopping around?
You can skip this one.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Hoppy Easter!
[/learn_more]
134. What do you call the Easter Bunny after a hard day’s work?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Tired.
[/learn_more]
135. How did the soggy Easter Bunny dry himself?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
With a hare dryer!
[/learn_more]
136. What do you call a sleepy Easter egg?
He won’t awake until he sees the sunny side up again.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Eggs-austed.
[/learn_more]
137. Why are bunnies the luckiest animals?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Because they each have four rabbits’ feet!
[/learn_more]
138. What do you call an Easter egg from outer space?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Egg-stra terrestrial.
[/learn_more]
139. How does the Easter Bunny travel?
Is that a rabbit enough form of travel for him?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
By hare-plane.
[/learn_more]
10 bad coffee dad jokes
You know how grumpy you feel when you need coffee? What if, instead of getting a great cup of joe, you got a bunch of terrible coffee jokes instead? Sure, that’s infuriating, but it’s also super fun…at least for the joke teller.
140. What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
Try this one while in line for your third espresso.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
[/learn_more]
141. What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
I asked for coffee.
[/learn_more]
142. Why did the coffee file a police report?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Because it was mugged.
[/learn_more]
143. How does a coffee lover hit on a woman?
A great way to espresso your feelings.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
I’ve been thinking about you a latte.
[/learn_more]
144. What do you call a sad cup of coffee
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Depresso.
[/learn_more]
145. How does Moses make his coffee?
Jewish you had a cup now?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Hebrews it.
[/learn_more]
146. What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Apparently, neither one was black.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Cream and Sugar.
[/learn_more]
147. What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Java the Hut!
[/learn_more]
148. How do you make Pig Jerky?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Give them some coffee.
[/learn_more]
149. What’s the opposite of coffee?
Coffee was definitely the perkiest of the seven dwarves.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Sneezy.
[/learn_more]
150. Honey, this coffee tastes like garbage. That’s not surprising,
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
it’s from the garbage.
[/learn_more]
9 bad dad lawyer jokes
Some careers are obvious targets for dad jokes, and perhaps the easiest one is lawyers. Law is an almost universally despised profession, which makes it easy for dads to get away with some great lawyer jokes. I mean, what is a lawyer going to do when he hears you repeat these, sue you?
Uh oh…
151. What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
Say this as you release the hounds.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A doberman pinscher.
[/learn_more]
152. What separates witnesses from the lowest form of life on earth?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
The wooden partitions around the witness stand.
[/learn_more]
153. How many lawyer jokes are there, anyway?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Only three. The rest are true stories.
[/learn_more]
154. I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck,
A better lawyer would have pinned it one someone else!
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
[/learn_more]
155. Arguing with a lawyer is like wrestling a pig in mud…
Ew…but probably true…
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Sooner or later you realize that they like it.
[/learn_more]
156. A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender,
How the law works in Florida.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
“Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Sure do,” replied the bartender.
[/learn_more]
157. What do you get if you send the Godfather to law school?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
An offer you can’t understand.
[/learn_more]
158. What do you have when you bury six lawyers up to their necks in sand?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Not enough sand.
[/learn_more]
159. What do you call a lawyer with an I.Q. of 60??
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Your Honor.
[/learn_more]
11 bad dad office jokes
If bad dad jokes are actually welcome anywhere, it’s probably the office. The day is just so boring and monotonous, your colleagues may look forward to your obnoxious office jokes. So, keep these in your pocket and toss them out around the water cooler.
160. When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of an emergency, I always write,
Funny and sound advice.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
‘A very good doctor’.
[/learn_more]
161. When my boss asked me who is the stupid one – him or me –
So much better than the “I’m with Stupid” shirt.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.
[/learn_more]
162. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
To steal from many is research.
[/learn_more]
163. Boss: ‘How can we keep the office clean?’
Only works if they haven’t seen your house.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Me: ‘By staying at home.’
[/learn_more]
164. Someone has stolen my Microsoft Office, and they are going to pay for it…
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
You have my Word.
[/learn_more]
165. I don’t mind coming to work;
If only the job was just the commute.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
it’s the eight-hour wait to go home I can’t stand.
[/learn_more]
166. Why doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
He still ends up with the same boss.
[/learn_more]
167. Old architects never die,
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
they just lose their structures.
[/learn_more]
168. Old cashiers never die,
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
they just check out.
[/learn_more]
169. Old chemists never die,
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
they just fail to react.
[/learn_more]
170. Old cooks never die,
Best keep the knives away, then.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
they just get deranged.
[/learn_more]
11 bad dad church jokes
If there’s one place you don’t want to be bad, it’s church. And yet, if there’s one place where you could really use some bad dad jokes to liven up the place…it’s also church. What a dilemma.
Here’s the solution: tell the church jokes now, and get forgiveness later. That way you can kill and still get saved.
171. What time of day was Adam created?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Just a little before Eve.
[/learn_more]
172. Who was the fastest runner in the race? Adam.
Not much of a race, was it?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
He was first in the human race.
[/learn_more]
173. Why did the unemployed man get excited while reading his Bible?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
He thought he saw a job.
[/learn_more]
174. How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman?
Also, he knew a guy who couple multiply fish. Useful.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
By his net income.
[/learn_more]
175. Do photons have mass?
Sure to get a few, “bless your hearts.”
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
[/learn_more]
176. Why didn’t they play cards on the Ark?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Because Noah was standing on the deck
[/learn_more]
177. What kind of car does Jesus drive?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A Christler.
[/learn_more]
178. Why couldn’t Jonah trust the ocean?
This one hits right down in the belly.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Because he knew there was something fishy about it.
[/learn_more]
179. How long did Cain hate his brother?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
As long as he was Abel.
[/learn_more]
180. How do groups of angels greet each other?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Halo, halo, halo.
[/learn_more]
181. What kind of alcohol do you find in church?
Make sure you brought enough to sherri.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Holy spirits!
[/learn_more]
10 cheesy bad dad jokes
The most perfect joke harmony in the world is the combination of bad dad jokes and cheesy jokes into a single, awful punchline. If you were really looking for jokes that might lose you friendships they’re so bad…you’ve found them!
182. At work, we have a printer we’ve nicknamed Bob Marley.
Does it get anymore dad joke than this?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
It’s always jammin’.
[/learn_more]
183. A Dad walks into a bookstore and says, “ Can I have a book by Shakespeare?” “Of course, sir, which one?
Don’t want any of those Chad Shakespeare books.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Dad: William.
[/learn_more]
184. I’ll never date another apostrophe.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
The last one was too possessive.
[/learn_more]
185. What do you call a row of people lifting mozzarella?
Amazingly, this is a great pickup line on its own.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A cheesy pick-up line.
[/learn_more]
186. England doesn’t have a kidney bank.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
But it does have a Liverpool.
[/learn_more]
187. What do you call a fly without wings?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A walk.
[/learn_more]
188. What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
An Orca-stra!
[/learn_more]
189. I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Then it hit me.
[/learn_more]
190. I’m thinking of reasons to go to Switzerland.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
The flag is a big plus.
[/learn_more]
191. I didn’t like my beard at first.
I mustache you to laugh at this one.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Then it grew on me.
[/learn_more]
8 bad dad blonde jokes
No one gives dads more material than blondes. Which is why dads will never accept that these blonde jokes have no correspondence with reality. For the bad dad joke crowd, all that matters is that somewhere, someone is ditzy and blonde enough for these jokes to ring true.
192. Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, “It’s dark in here isn’t it?”
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
The other replied, “I don’t know; I can’t see.”
[/learn_more]
193. A robber comes into the store & steals a TV.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A blonde runs after him and says, “Wait, you forgot the remote!”
[/learn_more]
194. What did the blonde say when she saw the Cheerios box?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Omg, donut seeds!
[/learn_more]
195. Why did the blonde tip toe near the medicine cabinet?
No one can say she’s not thoughtful…sort of.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Because she didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!!
[/learn_more]
196. Why did the blonde put her iPad in a blender?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Because she wanted to make apple juice.
[/learn_more]
197. What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A blonde at a flashing red light.
[/learn_more]
198. How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
M&M shells on the floor.
[/learn_more]
199. How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
Just getting the raking done a few seasons early.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
She fell out of the tree.
[/learn_more]
10 witty bad dad jokes
There’s always something witty about a bad dad joke. After all, puns do take a bit of work, but these witty jokes actually elevate your dad jokes to another level. That won’t make anyone actually respect you, but at least you can feel a little pride in your work!
200. Why do bananas need sunscreen?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Because they peel.
[/learn_more]
201. I don’t trust stairs.
Well, that escalated quickly.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
They’re always up to something.
[/learn_more]
202. Son: Where are my sunglasses?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Dad: I don’t know…where are my dad glasses?.
[/learn_more]
203. You shouldn’t kiss anyone on January 1st
At least don’t kiss them on the month.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
because it’s only the first date.
[/learn_more]
204. Want to hear my pizza joke?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Never mind, it’s too cheesy.
[/learn_more]
205. What time is it?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
I don’t know. It keeps changing.
[/learn_more]
206. Have you ever tried to eat a clock?
There’s the ring of truth about this one.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Its very time-consuming.
[/learn_more]
207. Is there a hole in your shoe?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
No… Then how’d you get your foot in it?
[/learn_more]
208. What do you call a million rabbits walking backwards?
They’ll be all ears to hear this one.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A receding hareline!
[/learn_more]
209. Every night at 11:11,
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
I make a wish that someone will come fix my broken clock.
[/learn_more]
13 funniest bad dad jokes ever
Believe it or not, bad dad jokes can be placed amongst the funniest jokes ever. No, really. After all, when you pick jokes from this list, you’re dealing with the highest quality bad jokes out there. And there’s really nothing funnier than stinking awful humor.
210. Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
He was just going through a stage.
[/learn_more]
211. What do you call a pile of cats?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A meow-tain.
[/learn_more]
212. How many lips does a flower have?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Tu-lips.
[/learn_more]
213. What do elves do after school?
Fairy funny.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Their gnome work.
[/learn_more]
214. Which hand is better to write with? Neither,
Been doing it wrong all my life.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
it’s better to write with a pen.
[/learn_more]
215. I sold my vacuum cleaner,
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
it was just gathering dust.
[/learn_more]
216. Not sure if you have noticed, but I love bad puns.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
That’s just how eye roll
[/learn_more]
217. Did you hear that Arnold Schwarzenegger will be doing a movie about classical music?
Come with me if you want to Liszt.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
He’ll be Bach.
[/learn_more]
218. Cooking out this weekend?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.
[/learn_more]
219. My kid wants to invent a pencil with an eraser on each end,
He’ll need to get the lead out.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
but I just don’t see the point.
[/learn_more]
220. My wife asked me to sync her phone, so I threw it into the ocean.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
I don’t know why she’s mad at me.
[/learn_more]
221. I love my furniture.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
My recliner and I go way back.
[/learn_more]
222. 6:30 is my favorite time of day,
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
hands down.
[/learn_more]
13 bad pirate dad jokes
Dads love pirates. After all, they’re old, corny, and easy to laugh at…just like dads. So, tell a few of these pirate jokes, me matey, and see if you can’t get a few yo-hos from the crowd.
223. What does a dyslexic pirate say?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
RRRRRRA!
[/learn_more]
224. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Just wait til they get to R.
[/learn_more]
225. Have you heard about the new pirate movie?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
It’s rated AARRRRGGH!
[/learn_more]
226. What’s a pirate’s second-choice job?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
An arrrrrrchitect!
[/learn_more]
227. How did the pirate stop smoking?
They’ve got this one pegged.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
He used the patch!
[/learn_more]
228. What is piratophobia?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Fear of a sunken chest!
[/learn_more]
229. What subject are pirates best at at school?
Time would be better spent in swimming class.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Arrrrt.
[/learn_more]
230. How did the pirate become a boxing champion so fast?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Nobody was ready to take on his right hook.
[/learn_more]
231. To err is human.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
To arr is seriously pirate.
[/learn_more]
232. How do pirates communicate with each other?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
With an Aye phone.
[/learn_more]
11 bad “what do you call” dad jokes
What do you call “what do you call jokes” that are also bad dad jokes? Hysterical.
233. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
An Investigator
[/learn_more]
234. What do you call a baby monkey?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A Chimp off the old block.
[/learn_more]
235. What do you call a fat psychic?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A four chin teller.
[/learn_more]
236. What do you call a computer floating in the ocean?
Someone like you would tell that joke.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
[/learn_more]
237. What do you call a computer that sings?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A-Dell
[/learn_more]
238. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
I’ll have to check that one with the dictionary.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
a thesaurus.
[/learn_more]
239. What do you call a sleeping bull?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A bulldozer!
[/learn_more]
240. What do you call having your grandma on speed dial?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Instagram.
[/learn_more]
241. What do you call an illegally parked frog?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Toad.
[/learn_more]
242. What do you call a laughing motorcycle?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A Yamahahaha
[/learn_more]
243. What do you call a fish without an eye?
This one stinks.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Fsh.
[/learn_more]
10 bad new years dad jokes
New years is a time to make sure you start everything off on the right foot. Instead, scrap that, and tell a bunch of bad dad new years jokes that leave everyone wishing they’d chosen a different party.
244. What’s the Problem with Jogging on New Year’s Eve?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
The ice falls out of your drink!
[/learn_more]
245. What Happened to the Irish Man Who Thought about the Evils of Drinking in the New Year?
Wise man.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
He gave up thinking.
[/learn_more]
246. What’s the forecast for New Year’s Eve?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
[/learn_more]
247. What do you tell someone you didn’t see at New Year’s Eve?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
I haven’t seen you for a year!
[/learn_more]
248. What do you say to a cat on December 31?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Happy Mew Year!
[/learn_more]
249. How do you know you’ve found the New Year’s Eve party?
Should auld places be forgot…
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Look for the Auld Lang Sign!
[/learn_more]
250. On New Year’s Eve, we shall be feeling no pain
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
except, of course, for the champagne.
[/learn_more]
251. Did you hear that Dracula passed out at midnight on New Year’s Eve?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
There was a count down!
[/learn_more]
252. Why did the couple get married at midnight on December 31?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
They wanted to ring in the new year!
[/learn_more]
253. Where do chefs go to celebrate New Year’s Eve?
That’s an oregano joke.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Thyme’s Square!
[/learn_more]
254. Did you know that on New Year’s Eve, even the fireworks made a resolution?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
They want to stop smoking!
[/learn_more]
255. Celebrating New Year’s Eve has lots of pros, but what’s the biggest con?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
The con-fetti!
[/learn_more]
18 bad nerd dad jokes
Dads are nerds. It’s the nerdiest job you ever take on, and it kills any cool you had left in you. But, hey, on the plus side, you get to enjoy these bad dad nerd jokes. So, great call?
256. Q: What goes up when the rain comes down?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
An umbrella.
[/learn_more]
257. Q: Why did the belt go to jail?
A strapping good joke.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Because it held up a pair of pants!
[/learn_more]
258. Q: What happens if life gives you melons?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
You’re dyslexic
[/learn_more]
259. Why Can’t You Trust Atoms?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
They make up everything.
[/learn_more]
260. I Have a New Theory on Inertia
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.
[/learn_more]
261. Did You Know There’s a Band Called 1023MB.
I hear they’re mega, though.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
They’re not bad, but they haven’t had any gigs yet.
[/learn_more]
262. Where Does Bad Light End Up?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
In prism.
[/learn_more]
263. Parallel Lines Have So Much in Common.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
[/learn_more]
264. What is a cation afraid of?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Dogions.
[/learn_more]
265. Why do engineers confuse Halloween and Christmas?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.
[/learn_more]
266. Why did the bear dissolve in water?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
It was polar.
[/learn_more]
267. Why did I divide Sin by Tan?
Your calculator gets it.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Just Cos.
[/learn_more]
268. What do you call an educated tube?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A graduated cylinder.
[/learn_more]
269. Have you heard about the sick chemist?
This joke is solid aurum.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, you’ll probably have to barium.
[/learn_more]
270. What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Beer.
[/learn_more]
271. My teacher said to me, “Name two pronouns.”
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
I said, “Who, me?”
[/learn_more]
272. A statistician gave birth to twins, but only had one of them baptized.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
She kept the other as a control.
[/learn_more]
273. Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A: Na
[/learn_more]
15 bad thanksgiving dad jokes
Look, you’re already a bit of a turkey, so why not just wing this Thanksgiving and really indulge your inner dad jokester with these unforgivable thanksgiving jokes. Your family will be grateful to finally get away.
274. My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes,
Based on what I’ve seen, you’re right.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
I told them I couldn’t just quit “cold turkey.”
[/learn_more]
275. What do you call a stuffed animal?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
You after thanksgiving.
[/learn_more]
276. If Pilgrims traveled on the Mayflower, what do college students travel on?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Scholar ships.
[/learn_more]
277. What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Delicious, delicious math…
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Pumpkin PI!
[/learn_more]
278. What happens when you’re too harsh on cranberries and make them sad?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
They turn into blueberries!
[/learn_more]
279. How did they send the turkey through the mail?
They’d send it airmail, but turkeys don’t fly well.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Bird class!
[/learn_more]
280. What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
[/learn_more]
281. Who isn’t hungry on Thanksgiving?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
The turkey, because he’s already stuffed!
[/learn_more]
282. Who was the drummer in the Thanksgiving band?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
The turkey, because he had the drumsticks!
[/learn_more]
283. What type of key is not good for opening doors?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A Tur-key!
[/learn_more]
284. What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
The G
[/learn_more]
285. What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
They really could have used being kept under his wing.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!
[/learn_more]
286. Why did Johnny get such low grades after Thanksgiving?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Because everything is marked down after the holidays.
[/learn_more]
287. What kind of vegetable would you like on thanksgiving?
Well, that solves that pickle.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Beets me!
[/learn_more]
288. What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.
[/learn_more]
17 bad shark dad jokes
How are sharks like dad jokes? They both sink and everyone would really rather avoid them. But hey, when you tell bad dad shark jokes, at least you know someone will be grinning…Jaws.
289. What do sharks say when something cool happens?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Jawesome!
[/learn_more]
290. What did the shark say after eating a clown fish?
This joke’s got a bit of a bite to it.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
This tastes a little funny!
[/learn_more]
291. What’s a shark’s favorite movie?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Shawshark Redemption
[/learn_more]
292. What’s a shark’s favorite bible story?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Noah’s Shark.
[/learn_more]
293. Why did the shark cross the great barrier reef?
The punchline is almost…unbe-reef-able.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
To get to the other tide.
[/learn_more]
294. The last ten times I’ve been to a fancy dress party, I’ve gone as a shark.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
The joke’s wearing fin.
[/learn_more]
295. The star attraction at my local aquarium has been repossessed.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Turns out it was a loan shark.
[/learn_more]
296. What do you call the mushy stuff between a great white shark’s teeth?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Slow swimmers.
[/learn_more]
297. What kind of shark is always gambling?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A card shark.
[/learn_more]
298. How did the hammerhead do on his test?
I had a sinking feeling he’d get a C.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
He nailed it.
[/learn_more]
299. What do yuppie sharks like to drink?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Jaw-va.
[/learn_more]
300. What was the marine biologist’s kid’s excuse for not having his homework?…
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
“My shark ate it!”
[/learn_more]
301. What should you do if you see a shark?…
Swim far, far away![/learn_more]
302. How did the shark plead in it’s murder trial?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Not gill-ty.
[/learn_more]
303. What do sharks order at McDonalds?
Sounds a bit fishy to me.
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
A quarter flounder.
[/learn_more]
304. Where do sharks go on vacation?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Fin-land.
[/learn_more]
305. How does a shark greet a fish?
[learn_more caption=”Show Answer” class=”col-m col-m-wide joke”]
Answer
Pleased to eat you.
[/learn_more]
Here is how to use bad dad jokes
You’ve got an oyster of bad dad jokes here, but how can you be sure you don’t clam up and flub the delivery? Just follow these four steps to ensure you get all the best—and worst—reactions to your terrible sense of humor!
1. Choose the joke that fits the event
We’ve got terrible dad jokes for every occasion. So, use that to your advantage. Pick jokes that fit the moment, so that the jokes are topical.
2. Practice your punchline
The key to bad dad joke success is to make sure you deliver the punchline well. You want to make sure everyone picks up on your play on words. So, practice a few times to make sure you get it right when you need to.
3. Lean into the groan
You don’t tell bad dad jokes to get hysterical laughter, you tell them to get a groan and a laugh people are ashamed of. Lean into that. Be ready to embarrass yourself to get the joke right.
4. Bring back ups
Whether your joke plays well and people want more, or it fails and you need another to rescue yourself, always have a few extra bad ad jokes on hand.
Downloadable and Printable List of Bad Dad Jokes
Here is a downloadable and printable list of Bad Dad Jokes. (right click the image and select Save Image As..):
![BAD_DAD_JOKES-1[1]](https://cdn.mantelligence.com/cdn-cgi/imagedelivery/oO-OvOrji0KSoklUInveSQ/mantelligence.com/2019/10/BAD_DAD_JOKES-11-1.jpg/w=9999)
More Awesome Jokes To Tell
The jokes don’t stop once you’ve run out of bad dad jokes. We’ve got jokes for all occasions.
- These math jokes really add up.
- In partisan times, these political jokes can really bring us all together!
- No chemistry in this conversation? Try throwing some science jokes into the mix.
- For the distracted audience, keep it short with these best one-liner jokes.
- We live our lives on the screen, so these computer jokes are always topical!
In Conclusion
There’s a lot of great things about being a dad, but once you get beyond the kids, one of the best benefits is having full access to all the dad jokes out there. These lovely bad jokes are terrible, sure, but those are the most fun to tell.
We’ve put together some of the best bad dad jokes out there. These jokes are what it’s all about: the fun is in knowing you’ve got an awful punchline and really relishing letting it lose.
So, dads and dads-to-be-someday, pick through your favorite bad dad jokes above, prepare for some groans, and laugh away.
Comments 0
No Readers' Pick yet.