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Knowing how to stop being the nice guy and how to become an alpha male two very different things.
We want you to move away from being Mr. Nice Guy to help your chances on how to get a girlfriend.
We’re also showing you one easily avoidable mistake most guys make when trying to be less of a nice guy, that makes them come off like a complete jerk.
Contents
Why is knowing how to stop being the nice guy so important?
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Being considered as a nice person isn't necessarily a bad thing. Keeping time aside for others and helping people whenever you can makes you a good person. However, being a nice guy also comes with its own problems. Also, by being a nice guy you can be easily left in a cloud in the dust while other, more confident guys, chase after girls.
When you don't look after yourself, it's difficult for anyone to imagine you taking care of anyone else. And while taking care of your girlfriend maybe your favorite thing to do, sometimes it can come across as a little overbearing and slightly needy.
It can also lead to problems when you are trying to ask your crush to be your girlfriend. Letting other's needs come before yours is a sure-fire way to not getting what you want.
Also, men think that knowing how to become an alpha male gives them a few reasons to be a bad boy. However, knowing how to become an alpha male is more about being assertive than nasty. Becoming an alpha male is more about assertiveness than changing your personality completely.
How To Stop Being The Nice Guy
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When being nice is in your nature, it can be difficult to know how to become an alpha male. Telling people exactly what you want and taking back your own time for yourself can seem selfish. However, without being assertive and aware of your own needs and wants, a nice guy can be left behind. It's easy to see why nice guys finish last.
There are many ways to change from a nice guy to an alpha male. From spending more time with your friends to disagreeing with your girlfriend, there are plenty of ways to stand your ground and become an alpha male.
The most important part of the whole process is remembering to have confidence. Confidence lets you take steps that you would never have thought to take previously both in life and romance. However, for some confidence isn't something you can turn on like a tap. Sometimes it takes time to appears while other times, you just have to fake it.
Knowing how to become an alpha male is easy when you know how. However, having the confidence to take these steps can be hard to find. One of the best ways to get some confidence is to imagine you already have it. You can easily do this by using some alpha male body language tricks.
Don't know any alpha male body language tricks? Well, get a pen and paper because we're going to tell you.
11. Know the alpha male body language tricks
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The alpha dog of all alpha male body language tricks is really simple. Stand tall. It doesn't matter if you are 5ft tall or 7 ft tall, the way you carry yourself can really have an effect on the way you think of yourself. If you slouch over and hunch your back, you are not going to feel very confident. However, if you make your back straight, pull your shoulders back and walk with your head held high, you will feel this sudden rush of confidence.
Another thing you could do to feel more like an alpha male is to master the art of the handshake. This the simplest of alpha male body language tricks and is an easy way to boost your confidence and assert yourself all at the same time.
10. Answer Small, Ask Big
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Whether it’s: For here or to go? Where do you want to eat? Or what’s your favorite YouTube channel? If you get asked any question at all, answer it with a little bit of conviction.
The reason this is so helpful for nice guys is because it gets them in the habit of thinking about what they want, while also being more direct and less accommodating.
And if you’re looking for a pro tip to seriously boost the effectiveness of this one? Contrast your short, concise answers with kind-hearted questions and watch as that nothing-but-a nice guy persona erodes away with girls.
9. Use the Zero Expectation Approach
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One path to getting girls through confidence, instead of niceness... is to find a girl you’re attracted to and approach her with zero expectation of picking her up. You may be surprised, but this trick works incredibly well for getting your head in the right place to talk to girls. The reason it works? It takes the biggest problem out of the flirting equation: expectations.
Nice guys expect “niceness” to get girls to like them, without realizing that just about every guy girls talk to meets the basic requirements of “ being nice.” So by approaching women with the goal of simply talking, instead of “getting” something, their niceness is neutralized and they can practice confident (and likely more interesting) conversation instead.
8. Lift Heavy Weights
via: Depositphotos / NatashaFedorova
At its core, being a nice guy is due often almost entirely to a lack of confidence. And what's one of the best, most absolutely practical ways to gain REAL confidence? By lift weight, Specifically, by lifting heavyweights.
Now, that doesn’t mean you need to devote your life to pumping iron... or lift so heavy that you’ll hurt yourself. But the benefits of a smart lifting regimen just can’t be understated.
Not only will it do wonders for your health, appearance, and confidence but by focusing on lifting heavy weights specifically, you’ll boost your strength and baseline testosterone. Which are two things that when improved, are proven to make a guy more imposing without having to be aggressive or mean to anyone.
7. Don’t Always Side With the Girl
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Another misstep nice guys never fail to take is to automatically side with the girl if there’s ever a disagreement.
Most of the time, disagreements revolve around little things, like choosing a movie or where to eat. But it’s precisely the process of always making small concessions, that plants the seeds of becoming nothing but a pushover who’s easy to get along with. So what should you do instead?
First of all, don’t disagree just to disagree but on the other hand, don’t agree, just to avoid conflict. Instead, start “light” negotiations by comparing what you both want to do, and take it from there.
6. Fit In Bro-Time
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Now, if you don’t have any friends who are girls, this may not be a problem. But if you do, and you find yourself spending a lot of time with girls, not only is that a huge sign that you’re up to your eyeballs in the friend zone, but also that you’re probably playing a losing card if your intention is to get girls.
So here’s what you do. If you want to show girls you’re not just a nice guy, spend some time with your boys. It may not sound like much, but it will actually do a lot to change how girls perceive you, and how you see girls.
Just a quick break to remind you that at the end of this video, we’re going to show you the number one mistake guys make after they decide to not be a nice guy. So if you think you’re a nice guy who wants to make a change, be sure to stay tuned.
5. Don’t Keep Score
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One glaring flaw that causes nearly every frustration a nice guy experiences, is keeping score of the nice things he does for girls he likes.
In their minds, they do girls a favor by being nice, and in exchange for their good behavior: they expect attention. The only thing is, all it does is set themselves up for an endless loop of kindness favors that don’t get anywhere.
So what can they do instead? Our advice is simple: be nice just to be nice, and if a girl is nice to them, just appreciate it and move on.
4. Take a Vacation
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Instead of banging your head against the wall and waiting for your niceness to pay off, just try leaving for a while. Here’s the reason why this might be your best bet:
Girls will notice if you randomly adjust your behavior and try to be “less nice”... But if it happens while you’re gone, not only will you have time to actually change they’ll be excited to see you come back a new man that they can seem themselves with.
3. Be Independent
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If there’s one thing so-called “alpha” types have that nice guys do not, it’s independence.
No, we’re not talking about the chest-beating tough guys, those dudes are just as guilty of letting others shape who they are as nice guys. We’re talking about guys who are self-sufficient, can handle their own, and don’t depend on being nice to get what they want.
Basically, these are the guys that nice guys and wannabe alpha types wish they were... and the kind of guy girls immediately go for.
2. Get On Your Own Schedule
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Nice guys all have this in common: They spend all of their time... on the schedule of the girl they like.
The reason for this, is because they think if they’re not always there, they’ll miss their chance. This happens because they forget one hugely important detail: Girls don’t want guys just because they’re convenient. And being nearer, doesn’t actually get them any closer.
See the difference? And the worst part about it is that if they just used that time on themselves, it’s virtually guaranteed they’d be more attractive to the girl they want.
1. No FOMO
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Fear of missing out. It’s a feeling that lies at the heart of every nice guy. And the main reason why they justify their behavior to themselves, they think “If I’m just there when she really needs me, she’ll finally want me.”
While that’s a nice thought, not only are the chances of that happening extremely unlikely, but they’re also drastically overestimating the impact simply “being nice” would have. Why? Because that is literally what a girl’s friends are for.
OK, so what should be done instead? First, don’t plan on capitalizing on her needing a friend to get a foot in the door. And after that, find another plan, and let her make the call if she really needs help.
The 1 Mistake Ex-Nice Guys Make
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Remember when we compared mr. nice guys and those alpha-bros? Well both groups are guys at opposite ends of the spectrum with the same problem: Overcompensation.
Most nice guys eventually figure out they have a problem. And when the day finally comes for nice guys to declare their independence, what usually ends up happening is they overshoot, and abruptly become jerks to everyone. As you might guess, that typically doesn’t work any better than being overly nice.
So what can be done? If you want to be more than a nice guy, do what we talked about today, and just remember that real change takes time.
7 Reasons Nice Guys Finish Last (And How to Fix It!)
7. They’re Not Failures
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You heard that right! If there’s one thing non-nice guys understand, it’s that no matter what anyone tells you, you can’t win ‘em all. When non nice-guys, we’ll call them alphas, when alphas see a girl they like, they don’t worry about the approach. Whether they decide not to approach, or they don’t hesitate, coming across a girl in the wild ain’t no thing.
But Nice Guys?... They’re afraid of rejection and failure before they even make eye contact, and in turn, they never get better at talking to girls and instead they remain only as the nice boy from down the block who waves a lot.
Think of it like this, you can have the most expensive pair of running shoes in the world, but if you’re too afraid to get them dirty, you’ll never win the race.
6. They Don’t Face the Music
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Most reasonable people absolutely despise confrontation. Whether you’re in the wrong or you’ve got to tell someone else they’re wrong, confrontation is a messy part of life that most people would rather not do. But... It happens. And part of what life (hopefully) trains you to do, is handle confrontation quickly, efficiently and graciously.
Unfortunately, nice guys didn’t get the memo. Instead of knowing how to do things like... take criticism, squash an argument, or give honest feedback, nice guys either run from it and put their heads in the sand and avoid confrontation to the extreme.
Our advice? Try not to do that. It’s an easy habit to fall into. If anything, try to invite a certain amount of confrontation. Don’t get yourself in trouble, but use the opportunity to learn how to engage constructively with others.
5. They Fake Their Baseline
via: Unsplash / Serghei Trofimov
One of the easiest ways to come in last place in the girl race, is to expect you’ll come in first without putting in the work, to which we say, “Nah man.” Getting to know a girl is not a passive experience.
You gotta thrown down. And just because a guy is nice, pleasant, and agreeable... It’s not like a girl is instantly going to want to run away with him. Because here’s what nice guys forget, just because kindness and cordiality gets you into class, doesn’t mean it’s all you need to pass.
4. They Forget to Zen
via: Bigstockphoto / Yacobchuk
Just like growin’ a ‘stache, fixing up an old motorcycle or proving yourself to your mom’s new boyfriend takes time... Getting a girl to like you doesn’t happen overnight. (Usually)
Non-nice guys are better at taking the waiting period in stride, they know good things take time, whereas nice guys seem to have to jump ahead... while already feeling like they paid their dues. Maybe it’s the gold star culture, maybe it’s the internet, maybe it’s Maybelline, whatever’s behind it, entitlement is at the heart of the nice guy mentality.
Imagine you’re a nice guy for a sec. You’re good at talking to girls, but you’re stuck in a cycle. It seems like every time you talk to a girl, you also torture yourself as you sit and wait for her to make up her mind.
Not fun!
Instead, relax and move on. Every time you talk to a girl, consider it a seed planted. Unfortunately, you’ll sometimes end up waiting for a girl who just isn’t interested. 7 reasons nice guy finish last can help you recognize when that’s happened.
3. They Fail At Rejection
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If a girl says she’s not interested, how would a reasonable guy respond? He’d pack it up and move on.
In the big picture, not a big deal, especially because “Surprise”... it’s not actually that fun being with a girl who doesn’t like you back.
Nice guys tend to overlook that, though. And part of the reason they’re notorious, is because they burn the house down if things don’t work out. And in true nice guy form, they explode on the girl. (We’ve seen the text screenshots and it is not pretty.) He might even call her rude names, and crank up the victim levels to 11.
2. They Declare Their Own Niceness
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Remember when we said being called nice is something no guy should want?
Well it’s a little more complicated than that. You see, being called nice is not the death knell it’s always made out to be. Because most guys out there, are just the good old fashioned kind of nice, kind-hearted guys girls do actually want.
What you really don’t want to be, is a guy who has to tell other people he’s nice. Just like if you've got to say you're the boss, you're not really a boss, if you've got to tell people you're nice... you ain’t that nice.
1. They Forget Their Behavior
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It’s a little ironic. Nice guys have the bad habit of only thinking of themselves. But they never seem to think about their behavior.
One of the reasons nice guys can’t seem to escape that nice guy stigma, is that they don’t realize they constantly break social and dating norms. They haven’t quite figured out that a) there’s more to it than just being nice and b) you’ve also got to have the other qualities girls (or anybody) connect with.
The reason niceness seems to work for some guys, and the reason it doesn’t work for them, is because the guys who benefit from being nice, also know how their behavior affects others. In other words, their actions are consistent with their attitude. Saying you're nice is one thing, but being nice is what it's all about.
The Number 1 Reason Nice Guys DON’T Finish Last
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As promised, here’s the one surprising thing you might be able to learn from... the nice guy.
While a lot of nice guys don’t do themselves any favors most of the time, they’ve at least got the right idea: It’s better to be good, than be bad. While their execution could be better, they seem to get that decency can be hard to come by. These days, it’s easy to think you’ve got to be a jerk to succeed. And as a result, you get a lot of guys who tend to make people’s days worse.
So what did we learn? Be a good guy, but don’t be a nice guy. Don’t expect anything in return for your good deeds, and you’ll strike the perfect balance that universally all girls look for in their guy.
More Ways To Be An Alpha Male
Do you want more tips to know how to stop being the nice guy and knowing how to become an alpha male? Well, we have you covered.
- Looking smart and fresh not only has an impact on your own self-esteem but also the way she looks at you. So why not head over to our fashion tips for men guide for more?
- New clothes are one thing, but a new hairstyle can really boost your mood. Check out our hairstyles for men guide and choose the right one for you.
- Anxiety is the difference between being able to approach a girl and staying away. If you want to know how to overcome approach anxiety, why not check out our guide?
Conclusion
There are so many reasons to find out how to stop being the nice guy. But if you don't have the confidence, the idea of knowing how to become an alpha male can really make you anxious. Becoming an alpha male can be a scary experience. From changing small things like your hair to full-blown changes in the way you see yourself, becoming an alpha male can be a difficult task. However, it's made easier by changing a few small things at a time.
When you want to know how to become an alpha male, you really need to work on your convictions and assertiveness. By knowing what you want, it makes it easier to know how to ask for it. Once you know what you want from life, the next thing is to take back your personal time. Spending more time with your friends and taking the time to go on vacation can relieve your sense of FOMO and make you more independent. You can also take a zero-expectation approach that will take the pressure off and help you ease into the process easily.
So know that you know how to become an alpha male and know how to stop being the nice guy, why not pick one or two of our suggestions and try it out?
