via: Unsplash / Genessa Panainte
When it comes to jokes, corny jokes are the best.
They can make your audience’s eye roll in frustration or make them exhale sharply out of their nose, but deep down they know that corny jokes are the best.
From corny dog jokes to corny dad jokes that are so bad they are good, there are so many great jokes to choose from.
But when you are trying to find the best corny jokes, where do you look? Don’t worry, we have you covered with our list of the best corny jokes ever!
Contents
13 Best corny Jokes
via: Pexels / juan mendez
When you want to make someone really laugh, you need the best corny jokes. That’s why we have put together this amazing list of the best corny jokes to help you become the life of the party.
1. I'm so good at sleeping.
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Answer
I can do it with my eyes closed.
2. Which two letters in the alphabet are always jealous?
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Answer
NV.
3. What do the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?
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Icy dead people.
4. Could you please call me a taxi?
Show Answer
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Alright, you're a taxi!
5. I invented a new word.
And we’re off with a winner. This joke is sure to make everyone roll their eyes and laugh all at the same time.
Show Answer
Answer
Plagiarism.
via: Unsplash /Richard Jaimes
6. What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
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Cashew!
7. What goes up and down but does not move?
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Stairs.
8. Why was the broom late?
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It over swept!
9. I wonder why the frisbee was getting bigger.
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Then it hit me.
10. Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance.
Only to be used with people who have an incredibly dark sense of humor, this joke is so dark it’s kinda funny.
Show Answer
Answer
So I pushed her over.
via: Unsplash / Etienne Martin
11. Why do chickens sit on eggs?
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Because they don't have chairs.
12. What is the difference between a bird and a fly?
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None.
13. What kind of bagel can fly?
Show Answer
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A plain bagel!
16 corny dad jokes
Dad jokes may not be to everyone’s taste but we can bet that you will found someone who thinks these Dad jokes are as funny as we do.
14. Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Dad’s normally tell bedtime stories but a joke about the best bedtime story hero? Count me in!
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He never lands.
via: Unsplash / Picsea
15. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
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They lactose.
16. What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor?
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“Make me one with everything.”
17. Why did Adele cross the road?
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To say hello from the other side!
18. What's blue and smells like red paint?
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Blue paint.
19. I asked my Mom if I was ugly.
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She said, "I told you not to call me Mom in front of people."
via: Unsplash/ Baylee Gramling
20. How Long is a Chinese man’s name?
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No, it actually is.
21. Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.
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That’s just how I roll.
22. Does your dog bite?
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Nope. Oh, so how do you feed him?
23. I got fired from my job as a taxi driver.
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It turns out my customers didn't like it when I tried to go the extra mile.
24. When is a joke a dad joke?
This one might take your audience a little time to catch onto. But once that punch line lands, it is hilarious.
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When it’s apparent!
via: Unsplash / Peter Idowu
25. Thank you student loans for getting me through college.
Show Answer
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I don't think I can ever repay you.
26. Every single morning I get hit by the same bike.
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It's a vicious cycle.
27. How many lips does a flower have?
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Tu-lips.
28. How do you stop a bull from charging?
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Cancel its credit card.
29. Why can't you trust the king of the jungle?
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Because he's always lion.
via: Unsplash / Arleen wiese
14 corny knock knock jokes
Knock knock jokes have been told for what seems to be forever. But it doesn’t matter if you are 10 or 110, knock knock jokes are always a winner.
30. Knock knock. Who's there? To. To who?
Show Answer
Answer
To whom!
For those of you who love being grammatically correct, this one is for you.
31. Knock knock. Who's there? Cow says.
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Cow says who? No, it says moo.
32. Knock knock. Who's there? Robin. Robin who?
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Robin you, now hand over the cash.
33. Knock knock. Who's there? Etch. Etch who?
This joke is sweet and mannerly. Just the way I like my corny jokes.
Show Answer
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Bless you, friend.
via: Unsplash / Brittany Colette
34. Knock knock. Who's there? I smell mop. I smell mop who?
Show Answer
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Ew.
35. Knock knock. Who's there? Candice. Candice who?
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Candice door open, or what?
36. Knock knock. Who's there? Bully! Bully who?
Show Answer
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Bully Jean is not my lover.
37. Knock knock. Who's there? Barbara! Barbara who?
Show Answer
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Barbara black sheep have you any wool?
38. Knock knock. Who's there? Wendy! Wendy who?
Show Answer
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Wendy wind blows de cradle will fall.
via: Unsplash / Nine Köpfer
39. Knock knock. Who's there? Adore. Adore who?
Show Answer
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Adore is between us. Open up!
40. Knock knock. Who's there? Avenue. Avenue who?
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Avenue knocked on this door before?
41. Knock knock. Who's there? Ben. Ben who?
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Ben knocking on this door all morning, let me in!
42. Knock knock. Who's there? Ferdie! Ferdie who?
Show Answer
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Ferdie last time open this door!
43. Knock knock. Who's there? Irish. Irish who?
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Irish you a nice day.
via: Pexels / Pressmaster
14 corny math jokes
While math may not be for everyone, you can’t deny that math jokes are hilarious! From decimals to algebra, math jokes are as smart as they are funny.
44. To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero...
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Thanks for nothing!
45. Not all math puns are bad.
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Just sum.
46. What is the official animal of Pi Day?
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The pi-thon.
47. Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
This one is particularly funny for anyone who has ever had to apply for a loan.
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Answer
His parents wouldn’t cosine.
via: Unsplash / The New York Public Library
48. Why did the Romans think algebra was so easy?
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They knew X was always 10!
49. Why can't the number 4 get into the nightclub?
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Because he is 2 square.
50. What did one decimal say to the other?
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Did you get my point?
51. What do you get if you cross a math teacher and a clock?
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Arithma-ticks!
52. Who invented the Round Table?
Who knew mixing trigonometry and Medieval mythology could make such a great joke?
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Sir Cumference.
via: Unsplash / Angelo Pantazis
53. There are 10 types of mathematicians.
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Those who know binary and those who don't.
54. What is a mathematician's favorite season?
Show Answer
Answer
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Sum-mer.
55. Do you know what seems odd?
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Numbers that aren't divisible by 2.
56. How can you make seven even?
Show Answer
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Take away the “S”.
57. What are ten things you can always count on?
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Your fingers.
14 corny yet stupid jokes
via: Unsplash / Priscilla Du Preez
Sometimes a corny joke has to be really stupid to be funny. When you are telling stupid jokes, you really need to leave feeling of embarrassment at the door.
58. What did the guitar say to the musician?
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“Pick on someone your own size!"
59. A limbo champion walks into a bar.
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They are disqualified.
60. Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
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Because they taste funny.
61. Why are rivers always rich?
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Because they have two banks.
62. I used to have two kidneys.
This joke is both kid friendly and easy enough for a child to understand. It’s fun for all the family!
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Then I grew up. Now I have two adult knees.
via: Unsplash / Charlein Gracia
63. I went to buy camouflage trousers...
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but I couldn’t find any.
64. Life is like a box of chocolates.
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It doesn’t last long if you’re fat.
65. People who like trance music are very persistent.
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They don’t techno for an answer.
66. I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.
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I said: “Are you two an item?
67.An escalator can never break.
As jokes go, this one is more thought provoking than it is funny.
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They only become stairs.
via: Unsplash / Lindsay Hendwood
68. I’m a big fan of whiteboards.
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I find them quite re-markable.
69. I’m reading a horror story in Braille.
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Something bad is about to happen… I can feel it.
70. Just burned 2,000 calories.
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That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
71. Where do cows go for entertainment?
Show Answer
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To the moo-vies!
14 corny birthday jokes
via: Unsplash / Hello I'm Nik
Birthdays are already really fun but do you know what makes them even better? Birthday jokes! These jokes are great for any birthday party.
72. Is it getting warmer here or...
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Is it all the candles on your birthday cake?
73. I asked my mother where I have been born when she told me in a hospital.
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I responded: "Mom was I ill?"
74. Looking 50 is great!
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If you’re 60.
75. Honey, you really don’t have to do the dishes on your birthday.
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Do it tomorrow.
76. What do you say to a kangaroo on its birthday?
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Answer
Hoppy Birthday.
If you have a kid in your life that loves kangaroos, this one is the one for you.
via: Unsplash / Yujia Tang
77. I like birthdays but I think...
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too many can kill you.
78. I was born to be a pessimist.
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My blood type is B Negative.
79. The best way to remember your wife's birthday...
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Is to forget it once.
80. "Were any famous men born on your birthday?"
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"No, only little babies."
81. When I was born I was so surprised...
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I didn't talk for a year and a half.
Beware of using this joke in the middle of a conversation. It may actually sound like a proper statement.
via: Unsplash / Aditya Romansa
82. You are so old...
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The candles on your birthday cake raised the earth's temperature by 3 degrees.
83. How do pickles celebrate their birthdays?
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They relish the moment.
84. The best way to remember your wife’s birthday...
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Is to forget it once.
85. Regular naps prevent old age...
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Especially if you take them while driving.
12 corny old people jokes
via: Pixabay / Free-Photos
When it comes to telling corny jokes, old people jokes are the best. From joking about growing old to false teeth, these old people jokes will make everyone laugh.
86. You know you’re old when...
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you and your teeth don’t sleep together.
87. You know you’re getting old when you have...
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More candles on your cake than friends at your birthday party.
88. When my granddad was 65, he started running a mile a day to keep fit.
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He's now 70 and we have mo idea where he is.
89. When I was a boy...
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The Dead Sea was only sick.
90. I want to die peacefully in my sleep as my grandfather did.
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Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
Dark humor isn’t for everyone. But this joke might be.
via: Unsplash / Александр Суслов
91. The older we get...
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The fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
92. You know you are old when there is...
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Nothing left to learn the hard way.
93. You know you are old when people...
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Tell you how good you look.
94. You know, you get that tattoo of barbed wire when you’re 18, but by the time you’re 80...
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it’s a picket fence.
95. You know you’re getting old when you go to an antique auction...
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And three people bid on you.
Both funny and weirdly complimentary, this joke is really funny.
via: Unsplash / Asim Z Kodappana
96. How are stars like false teeth?
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Answer
They both come out at night!
97. At age 70, my grandfather...
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Bought his first riding lawnmower.
15 corny dog jokes
Dogs are mans best friend, but their antics are great for coming up with great dog jokes.
98. What do dogs eat at the movie theaters?
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Answer
Pupcorn.
99. Why do dogs like sandpaper?
Show Answer
Answer
Because they’re ruff.
Some jokes are specifically made for kids, and this is one of them.
via: Unsplash / Charles Deluvio
100. How do dog catchers get paid?
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Answer
By the pound!
101. He’s not a bad dog.
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He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
102. What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?
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A friend you can count on.
103. What do you call a large dog that meditates?
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Aware wolf.
104. What do dogs do after they finish obedience school?
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They get their masters.
Who’s a smart boy? This dog is and the joke is pretty hilarious too.
via: Unsplash / McDobbie Hu
105. Why did the dog breeder go to the dentist?
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Because one of his canines was loose.
106. Have you had a bad day?
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Just pug-get about it.
107. What dog will laugh at any joke?
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A Chi-ha-ha.
108. What’s a dog's favorite drink at Starbucks?
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A pugkin spiced latte.
109. What did the dog say to his wife?
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You are so pawfect, I will love you furever.
via: Unsplash / Camylla Battani
110. What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
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A petticoat.
111. “We’re eating dinner soon.
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Don’t fill up on homework.” —Dog mom
18 corny but best one liner jokes
There is no other type of joke that is as funny as a one liner. Except maybe for the best one liner jokes that are especially corny.
112. I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting.’
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So we stopped playing chess.
113. Did you hear about the semi-colon that broke the law?
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He was given two consecutive sentences.
For all the English-lovers out there, this one goes out to you!
via: Unsplash / Connor Pope
114. Have you played the updated kids’ game?
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I Spy With My Little Eye . . . Phone.
115. So what if I don’t know what “Armageddon” means?
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It’s not the end of the world.
116. My girlfriend broke up with me so I took her wheelchair.
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Guess who came crawling back.
117. A guy rushed past me at the post office to deliver 25 different letters.
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He skipped the Q.
118. My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline;
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She hit the roof.
via: Unsplash / todd kent
119. How did I escape Iraq?
Show Answer
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Iran.
120. My nickname at school was Scarface.
Show Answer
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I was really good at knitting.
121. I just found out I'm colorblind.
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The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.
122. If you cut off your left arm…
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Then your right arm will be left.
123. The dinner I was cooking for my family was going to be a surprise but...
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The fire trucks ruined it.
If you are a terrible cook, don’t use this joke. Because someone might actually believe you.
via: Unsplash / sergiu zarnoaga
124. My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her.
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Or something like that...
125. Why don’t developers carry guns?
Show Answer
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They have troubleshooting.
126. As the judge sentenced me to death, I tried to offer him a high five.
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But he left me hanging.
127. What kind of music do planets like?
Show Answer
Answer
Neptunes.
128. I just called the paranoia hotline...
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Answer
A guy answered, “How did you get this number?!”
129. Improve your memory by...
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doing unforgettable things.
15 corny walks into a bar jokes
via: Unsplash / Patrick Tomasso
Some jokes are classics. From knock knock jokes to cheesy jokes, walks into a bar jokes are the definite King of jokes.
130. A robot walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve robots." The robot replies...
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"Oh, but someday you will."
131.Two dragons walk into a bar. The first one says, “It sure is hot in here.”His friend snaps back...
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“Shut your mouth!”
132. A guy walks into a bar carrying jumper cables. The bartender says...
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"Hey pal, don't start anything in here."
133. Four fonts walk into a bar. The bar man says:
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"Please get out, We don't want your type in here.
134. An elf, a man, and a wizard walk into a bar.
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The hobbit laughs as he walks under it.
[/lear_more]
via: Unsplash / Chase Clark
When you need a Lord of The Rings joke, this one is for you.
135. A perfectionist walked into a bar…
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Apparently, the bar wasn’t set high enough.
136. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says:
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“Sorry, we don’t serve food in here.
137. Two guys walk into a bar.
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The third one ducks.
138. A Roman walks into a bar, hold up two fingers, and says...
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"Five beers please."
139. Five guys walk into a bar.
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You think one of them would’ve seen it.
Oh those silly guys! This joke nearly has you feeling sorry for those guys.
via: Unsplash / Zach Reiner
140. A blind man walks into a bar.
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And a table. And a door. And a staircase.
141. Two husbands walk into a bar.The first one says, "My wife is an angel." The second one says...
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"You're lucky! Mine is still alive."
142. A hamburger walks into a bar. The bartender says...
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“I’m sorry. We don’t serve food here.”
143. E-flat walks into a bar. The bartender says...
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“Sorry, we don't serve minors.”
144. A bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”...
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Answer
A time traveler walks into a bar.
13 corny military jokes
via: Unsplash / israel palacio
Military jokes are hilarious. Especially if they are super corny. These jokes are a combination of rule-breaking and corniness that will have everyone laughing.
145. What does a soldier write with?
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Answer
A weapen.
The image of a soldier writing with a tiny pen is sure to have everyone laughing.
146. Did You Hear about the Accident at the Army Base?
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A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two colonels.
147. How do you know if there is a Navy SEAL at the bar?
Show Answer
Answer
Don’t worry, he’ll tell you.
148. Which Month Do Soldiers Hate?
Show Answer
Answer
March!
149. The Sergeant-Major growled at the young soldier:
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"I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning." "Thank you very much, sir."
And just like that young soldier, the laughter to this joke can come straight out of blue.
via: Unsplash / Specna Arms
150. Have You Heard about the Karate Champion Who Joined the Military?
Show Answer
Answer
He nearly killed himself the first time he saluted!
151. Where do military people get all their shoes from?
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Answer
Boot Camp.
152. What do you call the leader of a trash army?
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General Waste.
153. Why did the computer technician get kicked out of the army?
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Answer
He had troubleshooting.
154. Where Do Rabbits Learn to Fly?
Show Answer
Answer
In the hare force!
A joke that is funny and cute? Sign me up!
via: Unsplash / UX Gun
155. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That’s why in the Navy...
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Answer
The captain goes down with the ship.
156. What plant grows in a soldier’s garden?
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Answer
Ambush.
157. What do you call a gun loaded with ammo?
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Answer
A ri-full.
12 corny coffee jokes
Everyone loves coffee. And what is better than coffee I hear you ask? That’s right, corny coffee jokes!
158. What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion.
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Answer
I asked for coffee.
Sarcastic and a bit sassy, this joke is funny straight off the bat.
via: Unsplash / Mike Keneally
159. How did the hipster burn his tongue?
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Answer
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
160. Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Show Answer
Answer
Because it makes them ‘viperactive’.
161. What is the best Beatles song?
Show Answer
Answer
Latte Be!
Warning! If you tell this joke, there is a chance that people will involuntarily start singing “Let It Be”. You have been warned.
162. What do you get when you pour coffee into a black hole?
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Answer
Hyperspace.
163. What do you call the first level of a coffee factory?
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Answer
The ground floor.
With clever wordplay and perfect performance, this joke could be brilliant.
via: Unsplash / Nathan Dumlao
164. How does Henry VIII like his coffee?
Show Answer
Answer
Decap.
165. What did the coffee say to the other?
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Answer
Where you bean all my life?
Who knew bean jokes could be so smooth?
166. What do you call a couple of coffee bullies?
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Answer
Mean beans.
167. What’s Dracula’s favourite type of coffee?
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Decoffinated.
168. How do I take my coffee?
Show Answer
Answer
Very seriously.
Tell this joke with an added bit of drama and a raised eyebrow and you’ll have a joke that will have people laughing for ages!
via: Unsplash / Ohmky
169. Would you like your coffee black?
Show Answer
Answer
What other colors do you have?
12 corny lawyer jokes
Whether you are telling jokes to lawyers or a room full of people who have never hired a lawyer, lawyer jokes are always funny.
170. What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
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Answer
The lawyer charges more.
171. What did the lawyer name his daughter?
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Answer
Sue!
172. Nothing comes easy in life.
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Even Santa comes with a clause.
Sometimes jokes just have to get real you know?
via: Unsplash / Tom Mossholder
173. What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?
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Answer
A father in law!
174. What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?
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Answer
The caterer.
175. What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
Show Answer
Answer
Accountants know they're boring.
176. A criminal lawyer...
Show Answer
Answer
Is a redundancy.
177. Why don't snakes bite lawyers?
Show Answer
Answer
Professional courtesy.
An insult and a joke all rolled into one? This joke is on another level.
via: Unsplash / Hunters Race
178. What do you call 15 lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?
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Not enough sand.
179. How does an attorney sleep?
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First, he lies on one side, and then on the other.
180. What's the difference between a lawyer and God?
Show Answer
Answer
God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
181. When do you know a lawyer is telling the truth?
Show Answer
Answer
When his lips are shut.
12 corny office jokes
via: Unsplash / Alex Kotliarskyi
Offices are so funny, they even made a TV show about them. So it’s a safe bet that when you tell office jokes, you will have every Pam, Jim and Michael in your office laughing.
182. Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory?
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He took a day off.
183. I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job...
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But when I got home, all the signs were there.
184. I quit my job at the helium gas factory.
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I refused to be talked to in that tone of voice!
185. How do construction workers party?
Show Answer
Answer
They raise the roof.
186. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.
Show Answer
Answer
On my desk, I have a work station…
This one is great for work parties, once your boss isn’t around to hear it.
via: Unsplash / Brooke Cagle
187. The trouble with being punctual is that...
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Nobody’s there to appreciate it.
188. I used to work in the office at a stationery firm but I quit.
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I felt it wasn't going anywhere.
189. I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus.
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And that’s how I lost my job as a bus driver.
190. Coworker: Do you ever think about work at home?
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Answer
Me: I don’t even think about work at work!
191. Being an astronaut is funny.
Show Answer
Answer
It's the only job where you get fired before you start work.
192. If an accountant's spouse cannot sleep, what is the best cure?
Show Answer
Answer
Ask the accountant to talk about their work.
193. The closest a person ever comes to perfection is...
Harsh but true, this joke will definitely make the job hunters in your group laugh, or cry. It really depends.
Show Answer
Answer
When he fills out a job application form.
via: Pexels / Andrea Piacquadio
14 corny church jokes
From the Old Testament to Revelations, religion can sometimes be boring. So why not add some humor and tell some church jokes?
194. Jesus Christ walks into a bar.
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Answer
He orders a water.
195. How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman?
Show Answer
Answer
By his net income.
196. Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
Show Answer
Answer
When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.
197. And God said to John, come forth and you shall be granted eternal life. But John ...
In the Bible, they never said it was a competition!
Show Answer
Answer
came fifth and won a toaster.
via: Pexels / Buenosia Carol
198. At what time of day was Adam created?
Show Answer
Answer
A little before Eve.
199. Who’s the patron saint of poverty?
Show Answer
Answer
St. Nickeless.
200. Need an ark?
Show Answer
Answer
I noah guy.
201. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
Show Answer
Answer
Ruthless.
202. Why are there so many old people in Church?
Nothing says corny joke quite like this dark revelation.
Show Answer
Answer
They're cramming for the final.
via: Pexels / Nikko Tan
203. Who was the fastest runner in the race?
Show Answer
Answer
Adam. He was first in the human race.
204. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian...
Show Answer
Answer
Any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
205. If Mary had Jesus, and Jesus was a little lamb...
Show Answer
Answer
Does that mean Mary had a little lamb?
206. What’s the best way to study the Bible?
Show Answer
Answer
You Luke into it.
207. Why is it necessary to be quiet in church?
If you have ever fallen asleep at church, you know that this joke is both funny and true.
Show Answer
Answer
Because people are sleeping.
via: Unsplash / Annie Spratt
14 corny and cheesy jokes
Do you know what is better than bringing cheese to a party? Bringing cheesy jokes to a party, obviously!
208. What did the toilet tell the other toilet?
Talking toilets? What’s not funny about some toilet humor?
Show Answer
Answer
You look flushed.
209. Why was the strawberry crying?
Show Answer
Answer
His mom and dad were in a jam.
210. Which is the longest word in the dictionary?
Show Answer
Answer
Smile. There is a mile between S and E.
211. What did the hat say to the other?
What could be funnier than a talking hat?
Show Answer
Answer
You stay here, I'll go on ahead.
via: Unsplash / Artem Beliaikin
212. What pet makes the loudest noise?
Show Answer
Answer
A trumpet!
213. What did the janitor say when he got out of the closet?
Show Answer
Answer
Supplies!
214. What did the hamburger name his daughter?
Show Answer
Answer
Patty.
215. What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Show Answer
Answer
Toad.
216. What do you call a bear in the rain?…
Show Answer
Answer
A Drizzley Bear!!!
217. How many Mexican guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Show Answer
Answer
Just Juan.
218. What cheese can you use to hide a horse?
If you use this with a group of kids, you are guaranteed laughs!
Show Answer
Answer
MASCARPONE!
via: Pexels / NastyaSensei
219. What do you call four Mexicans in quicksand?
Show Answer
Answer
Quatro Sinko.
220. How did the Italian chef die?
Show Answer
Answer
He pasta way.
221. Knock, knock. Who's there?
Show Answer
Answer
Doorbell repairman.
14 corny but witty jokes
Hilarious jokes are great but sometimes the most subtle jokes are the funniest. That’s when you need some witty jokes up your sleeve.
222. Heard about that new band called 1023 MB?
For all you computer technicians, this one is for you!
Show Answer
Answer
They haven't had any gigs yet.
via: Pexels / Lisa Fotios
223. How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Show Answer
Answer
Ask them to pronounce "unionized."
224. What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do at night?
Show Answer
Answer
He stays up wondering if there really is a dog.
225. A Buddhist monk approaches a burger food-truck and says...
Show Answer
Answer
“Make me one with everything.”
226. What did the DNA say to the other DNA?
Show Answer
Answer
“Do these genes make me look fat?”
227. David lost his ID.
This one is so corny, it is hard not to laugh.
Show Answer
Answer
He now answers to Dav.
via: Pexels / Dom J
228. Helium walks into a bar, the bartender says “We don’t serve noble gases in here.”
If you ever find yourself at a science convention, this one will help your comedy career take off!
Show Answer
Answer
Helium doesn’t react.
229. As I said before...
Show Answer
Answer
I never repeat myself.
230. I would make another chemistry joke...
Show Answer
Answer
But all good ones ARGON!
231. I was going to say a witty, hilarious and intelligent joke about time-traveling...
Show Answer
Answer
but you guys didn’t like it.ityy
232. I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium got together and I was like...
And they said learning the periodic table in school would help you. Help you understand this joke more like!
Show Answer
Answer
OMg.
via: Unsplash / Gabrielle Henderson
233. How do you know when a woman is about to say something intelligent?
Show Answer
Answer
She starts her sentence with "A man once told me"
234. Why did Charlotte Bronte make it easier to breathe?
When you find an audience that loves English literature, this joke is the perfect one to tell.
Show Answer
Answer
She created Eyre.
235. Your mother is so classless...
Show Answer
Answer
She could be a Marxist utopia.
14 corny but the funniest jokes ever
While some people hate corny jokes, it’s hard to deny that some jokes are the funniest jokes ever.
236. Be polite to every idiot you meet. He could be your boss tomorrow.
When jokes are funny and possibly true, it makes them even more hilarious!
via: Pexels / Moose Photos
237. Important note from a car manual:
Show Answer
Answer
Backing rapidly at a tree significantly reduces your trunk space.
238. What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
Show Answer
Answer
It gets toad away.
239. What do you get if you crossbreed a cute Easter rabbit with an insect?
Show Answer
Answer
Bugs Bunny.
240. Genie: What is your final wish? Me: I wish I were you! Genue:
Show Answer
Answer
Weurd but alrught.
241. My girlfriend got sick to her stomach when I told her I put ginger in our curry.
Oh! With a turn like that, it is hard not to laugh!
Show Answer
Answer
She loved that cat.
via: Unsplash / The Creative Exchange
242. My girlfriend says that I am snoopy. But...
Show Answer
Answer
OK, maybe she meant it differently when she wrote it in her diary.
243. Today I went for a walk with a beautiful girl.
Show Answer
Answer
Then she noticed me so we went for a run.
244. Do not go to the bathroom in a dream.
Show Answer
Answer
It’s a trap!
245. Do you know what DNA stands for?
Show Answer
Answer
National Dyslexic Association.
246. If you understand English, press 1. If you do not understand English...
Or you could be the person in the audience that screams back, “But I don’t understand English”. The heckling to this joke might just be funnier than the joke itself.
Show Answer
Answer
Press 2.
via: Unsplash / James Orr
247. What lights up a soccer stadium?
Show Answer
Answer
A soccer match.
248. If alcohol influences short-term memory...
Show Answer
Answer
What does alcohol do?
249. If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get?
When you combine Christmas and a joke, do you know what you get? A guaranteed corny joke!
Show Answer
Answer
Mistle-toes.
13 corny what do you call jokes
Here’s a joke for you. What are the best type of jokes? What do you call jokes! Get it? No? Ok, well here are some better jokes that are sure to get your friends laughing.
250. What do you call a walking nun?
Tell this joke with a few jazz hands and a hand clap for extra effect.
Show Answer
Answer
A Rome-ing Catholic.
via: Unsplash / Ágatha Depiné
251. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Show Answer
Answer
A gummy bear.
252. What do you call a factory that sells passable products?
Show Answer
Answer
A satisfactory!
253. What do you call a loan from a bison?
Show Answer
Answer
A BUFFA-LOAN.
254. What do you call a swim team made up of girls named Jennifer?
Show Answer
Answer
HydroJens!
255. What do you call an old snowman?
Both sad and funny, this joke will get people to laugh and cry in equal measure.
Show Answer
Answer
Water.
via: Unsplash / Shelley Pauls
256. What do you call someone who immigrated to Sweden?
Show Answer
Answer
Artificial Swedener.
257. What do you call a spy frog?
Show Answer
Answer
James Pond
258. What do you call a track meet for cross-dressers?
Show Answer
Answer
A drag race.
259. What do you call horses that come out at night?
Show Answer
Answer
Night mares.
260. What do you call a rich elf?
There is nothing quite like having to put an English accent on to really make a punch line work.
Show Answer
Answer
Welfy.
via: Unsplash / erin mckenna
261. What do you call artificial spaghetti?
Show Answer
Answer
A mock-aroni!
262. What do you call a doctor with 8 hands?
Show Answer
Answer
A doctopus.
14 corny new year's jokes
New Year’s a time for reflecting on the year that has passed and the time yet to come. And sometimes it’s just a great time to tell New Years jokes.
263. My New Years resolution is...
Show Answer
Answer
1080p.
264. My resolution was to read more so...
Well, I guess, that's one why to do it.
Show Answer
Answer
I put the subtitles on my tv.
via: Unsplash / Sam Balye
265. My wife still hasn't told me...
Show Answer
Answer
What my New Year's resolutions are.
266. Youth is...
Show Answer
Answer
When you're allowed to stay up for New Year.
267. Middle age is...
Show Answer
Answer
When you're forced to.
268. What's a cow's favorite holiday?
Show Answer
Answer
Moo Year's Day.
269. I remember last year like...
As the most used joke around New Year's Day, this joke never gets old!
Show Answer
Answer
It was yesterday.
via: Unsplash / Chris Gilbert
270. Where is New Years Eve so Mathematical?
Show Answer
Answer
Times Square!
271. What does a Ghost say on January 1st?
Show Answer
Answer
Happy BOO year!
272. What did the cheerleaders say on New Year’s Day?
Show Answer
Answer
Happy New Cheer!
273. What did Stephen like to be called on December 31st?
Show Answer
Answer
New Year's Steve.
274. What’s the problem with jogging on New Year’s Eve?
Show Answer
Answer
The ice falls out of your drinks.
via: Unsplash / Filip Mroz
275. Usually, my main goal at a New Year’s party is...
Show Answer
Answer
To remember who I came with.
276. My New Year’s resolution is...
Show Answer
Answer
To take all the Christmas lights down by Easter.
15 corny thanksgiving jokes
There is a strange part of Thanksgiving where all the food is gone and your Dad is asleep on the couch. All you need to liven up the party is a few Thanksgiving jokes.
277. One turkey to the another:
Show Answer
Answer
Do you think there is life after Thanksgiving?
278. What’s the universal key to a lovely Thanksgiving?
Show Answer
Answer
The turkey.
via: Unsplash / Silas Köhler
279. What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
Show Answer
Answer
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his grave-y!
280. What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
Show Answer
Answer
The family dog’s nose.
281. What does a Pilgrim call his friends.
Show Answer
Answer
Pal-grims.
282. What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Stating the obvious has been the backbone of great joke, and this one is no different.
Traditionally, the letter G.
[/learn_more]
via: Unsplash / Mattheus Ferrero
283. How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey?
Show Answer
Answer
Only one, but you really have to squeeze them in.
284. Why did the Pilgrim die in the car crash?
Show Answer
Answer
Because he didn't buckle up.
285. What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
Show Answer
Answer
The turkey trot.
286. What does a turkey drink from?
Show Answer
Answer
A gobble-t.
287. I only have...
When it comes to corny jokes, this one is kinda sweet. It also makes me want pie.
Show Answer
Answer
Pies for you.
via: Pexels / Element5 Digital
288. What do you call a running turkey?
Show Answer
Answer
Fast food.
289. What's blue and covered in feathers?
Show Answer
Answer
A turkey holding its breath.
290. "What do you call the age of a pilgrim?
Show Answer
Answer
Pilgrimage.
291. Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Show Answer
Answer
Because he had his own drumsticks.
12 corny christmas jokes
via: Unsplash / freestock
Christmas is a time for family and friends and gathering around a fire. When you are getting cozy, these Christmas jokes are sure to make everyone fall around laughing.
292. What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is...
Show Answer
Answer
looking for a job the next day.
293. Why does Santa have three gardens?
Show Answer
Answer
So he can 'ho ho ho'!
294. What did Santa ask Rudolph about the weather?
Show Answer
Answer
Is it going to rain dear?!
295. What do you call a three-legged donkey?
Show Answer
Answer
A wonky donkey!
296. Which football team did the baby Jesus support?
Show Answer
Answer
Manger-ster United!
297. What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
If all the children in your group are holding their noses, you know you are onto a winner.
Show Answer
Answer
Jingle Smells!
via: Unsplash / Jakob Owens
298. Why is everyone so thirsty at the north pole?
Show Answer
Answer
No well, no well!
299. What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?
Show Answer
Answer
A pineapple!
300. What do call Santa when he stops moving?
Show Answer
Answer
Santa Pause!
301. Where do reindeer go dancing?
Show Answer
Answer
A: Christmas balls!
302. What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
When it comes to corny jokes, you can't beat the classics.
Show Answer
Answer
A Christmas Quacker.
via: Unsplash / Ravi Singh
303. How many gifts can Santa squeeze in an empty stocking?
Show Answer
Answer
One. It’s not empty after the first one.
304. What kind of a bike does Santa ride in his spare time?
Show Answer
Answer
A Holly Davidson.
12 corny blonde jokes
They say blondes have more fun but blonde jokes can sometimes drop flat depending on the crowd.
305. Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied...
Show Answer
Answer
"I don't know; I can't see."
306. Why can't a blonde dial 911?
Show Answer
Answer
She can't find the eleven.
307. What did the blonde say when she saw the Cheerios box?
You could say that the blone is being silly, but really they are just dreamers.
Show Answer
Answer
"Omg, donut seeds!"
via: Unsplash / Stanislav Kondratiev
308. What’s the difference between a smart blonde and a unicorn?
Show Answer
Answer
Nothing, they're both fictional characters.
309. How do you confuse a blonde?
Show Answer
Answer
Give her a box of corn flakes and tell her it's a jigsaw puzzle.
310. How do you keep a blonde busy?
Show Answer
Answer
Write “flip” on both sides of a sheet of paper.
311. Why do blondes stare at orange juice containers for hours on end?
Show Answer
Answer
Because they say “concentrate.”
312. What do blondes do when their laptop freezes?
Show Answer
Answer
Microwave them!
313. Why’d the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
Show Answer
Answer
She kept throwing out all the W’s.
314. Because they go answer the door.
Telling jokes is hard, but making them as clever as this one is difficult.
Show Answer
Answer
Why can't you tell blondes knock-knock jokes?
via: Unsplash / Beto Galetto
315. A blonde and a brunette jump from a skyscraper.
Show Answer
Answer
The brunette lands first. Why? The blonde got lost on the way.
316. How do you get a blonde to laugh at a joke on Saturday?
Show Answer
Answer
Tell it to her on Tuesday.
15 corny shark jokes
Sharks. The King of the Ocean. They are not to be messed with. Well maybe a little bit, especially if you know great shark jokes.
Here are 15 corny shark jokes.
317. What do you call a solitary shark?
Show Answer
Answer
A loan shark.
318. What did the shark get on his biology test?
While some jokes are great told aloud, this one is definitely at its best when it’s sent in a message.
Show Answer
Answer
A sea-minus.
via: Unsplash / Gerald Schömbs
319. What is a shark's favorite Bible story?
Show Answer
Answer
Noah's Shark.
320. What do sharks do when they have a big choice to make?
Show Answer
Answer
Chews wisely.
321. How do you throw a shark out of a bar?
Show Answer
Answer
You cast it out.
Click here to learn more
322. What did the shark tell his friend?
Show Answer
Answer
Water you up to, mate?
323. How do sharks stay up all night?
Show Answer
Answer
They drink jaw-va.
via: Unsplash / Alex Stein
324. What does a shark eat for dinner?
Show Answer
Answer
Whatever it wants!
325. I saw a singing shark once...
Show Answer
Answer
In the Choral Reef.
326. Where are sharks from?
Show Answer
Answer
Finland.
327. What is a sharks favorite sci-fi show?
Show Answer
Answer
Shark Trek.
328. What was the shark's favorite Pixar movie?
Shocking and hilarious, this joke will have everyone laughing!
Show Answer
Answer
Eating Nemo.
via: Unsplash / David Clode
329. How did the hammerhead shark do on his test?
Show Answer
Answer
He nailed it.
330. Having Shark Week is totally racist...
Show Answer
Answer
Because all I hear that week is Great White.
331. Why do sharks live in saltwater?
Show Answer
Answer
Because pepper water would make them sneeze.
18 corny pirate jokes
Pirates are funny for a lot of reasons. From their eye patch to having one leg, pirate jokes are hilarious.
332. Have you ever heard any good pirate jokes?
Show Answer
Answer
Well neither have ayyye!
via: Unsplash / Austin Neill
333. Where do pirates buy their hooks?
Show Answer
Answer
At a second-hand store.
334. Why did the pirate go out of business?
Show Answer
Answer
He didn’t know how to raise his sales.
335. What do pirates use to treat burns?
Show Answer
Answer
Ahoy Vera.
336. What do you call a philosophical pirate?
Show Answer
Answer
Arrristotle.
337. Why are pirates good boxers?
Show Answer
Answer
They have a mean right hook.
338. How do pirates know they’re pirates?
Oh, a philosophical joke? This one is sure to make the most straight-laced audience laugh.
Show Answer
Answer
They think, therefore they arrrr.
via: Unsplash / Scott Umstattd
339. Why does it take pirates a long time to learn the alphabet?
Show Answer
Answer
Because they can spend years at C!
340. Pirates make fantastic singers.
Show Answer
Answer
You should hear it when they hit the high Cs.
341. What kind of a ship is most feared by pirates?
Show Answer
Answer
The Steady Relation ship.
342. Why don’t you usually see a pirate that is a smoker?
Show Answer
Answer
Because they use the patch.
343. How do pirates prefer to communicate?
Well you know, eye contact is crucial for great communication.
Show Answer
Answer
Aye to aye!
via: Unsplash / Markus Spiske
344. Who was the first pirate?
Show Answer
Answer
Noah, the builder of the Arrrrk.
345. Why did the pirate give up playing golf?
Show Answer
Answer
Because he kept hooking the ball.
346. How do pirates make their money?
Show Answer
Answer
By hook or by crook.
347. How did the pirate find out he needed glasses?
Show Answer
Answer
He took an aye exam!
348. 3.14% of sailors are...
Who knew that combining maths and pirates would result in such funny joke?
Show Answer
Answer
Pi Rates.
via: Unsplash / Nick Karvounis
349. Chuck Norris once shook a pirates hand.
Show Answer
Answer
That pirate is now known as Captain Hook.
15 corny yet bad jokes
When someone tells bad jokes, it can really bring down the vibe. But these bad jokes are sure to turn that eye roll into laughter.
350. What do you call Pride and Prejudice film with subtitles?
Show Answer
Answer
L'Austen translation.
351. How do you work out how heavy a red hot chilli pepper is?
Have your audience laughing and headbanging at the same time with this corny joke.
Show Answer
Answer
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
via: Unsplash / Nick Fewings
352. Thanks for explaining the word ‘many’ to me...
Show Answer
Answer
It means a lot.
353. What do you call a nose without a body?
Show Answer
Answer
– Nobody knows.
354. How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
Show Answer
Answer
With a tuba glue.
355. Do you know what style of shoes plumbers love the best?
Show Answer
Answer
Clogs.
356. Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary?
Toilet humor? Check! So bad that it actually makes people laugh! Double-check!
Show Answer
Answer
It runs in your jeans.
via: Unsplash / Ricardo Gomez Angel
357. That awkward moment when you tell a chemistry joke...
Show Answer
Answer
And you get no reaction.
358. I never like jokes about retiring.
Show Answer
Answer
None of them work!
359. Nobody nose...
Show Answer
Answer
How bad you smell!
360. Why didn't Bach go shopping?
Show Answer
Answer
Because he was baroque.
361. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive...
Jokes about finance can only really be told to a certain audience. But when you find them, make sure you tell them this joke.
Show Answer
Answer
Try missing a couple of payments.
via: Unsplash / Jonas Leupe
362. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
Show Answer
Answer
Envelope.
363. I love to study the brain.
Show Answer
Answer
I hope you don't mind.
364. Someone asked who invented the door knocker.
Show Answer
Answer
It doesn't ring a bell.
Downloadable list of Corny Jokes
Here is a downloadable and printable list of corny jokes (right click the image and select Save Image As…):
via: Gamertelligence.com
More Awesome Jokes
Corny jokes are great but you can’t really use them all the time.
- When you want to seem like the funniest person in the room, you need to have a certain type of joke up your sleeve. Check out our political jokes for some inspiration.
- Want your joke to be funny and smart? Then why not check out our guide to the best science jokes?
- Some of the best jokes are just plain nerdy. So why not have a look at our nerd jokes for some hilarious jokes?
How To Pick The Best Corny Joke
via: Unsplash / Felix Rostig
Having a few corny jokes up your sleeve is a great way to break the ice, but how do you pick the best corny joke?
1. Know Your Audience
It’s great having lots of great corny jokes up your sleeve but when you tell a joke to the wrong audience, your comedy act can turn into a tragedy. To make sure that you are picking the right jokes for your audience, think about the kind of things that they like. Do they like clever puns? Do they enjoy wordplay? In other words, the more information you know about your audience, the more likely you are to pick the right joke.
2. Pick Your Setting
via: Unsplash / Sandra Dempsey
This one goes without saying. When you have picked your jokes, make sure that they are suitable for your surroundings. While this might create some unintentional hilarity, telling a lawyer joke in the middle of a court, might not be the best idea.
3. Have fun!
via: Unsplash / Ben White
When you pick your jokes and the setting, just have fun with it. Jokes are made to make people laugh. But what makes a joke even funnier is when the person telling the joke is having a great time. So put on your best entertainers hat and get out there!
In Conclusion
Whether you are meeting new people or meeting up with friends, jokes are a great way to break the ice and start a conversation.
It doesn’t matter which joke you pick, once you have fun telling it. Remember, if you don’t think the joke is funny, then chances are your audience won’t either. Also, performance is key. From overacting for effect to underplaying a corny joke so the punch line really makes an impact, can really help make your jokes even funnier.
